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For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

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Finally--You "Can"Understand Her! Women: Complicated and impossible to understand? Do you love and want to please the woman in your life, but just can't seem to figure her out? That was before "For Men Only." Now at your fingertips is the tool that will unlock the secret to her mysterious ways. Through hundreds of interviews and the results of a scientific national survey Finally--You "Can"Understand Her! Women: Complicated and impossible to understand? Do you love and want to please the woman in your life, but just can't seem to figure her out? That was before "For Men Only." Now at your fingertips is the tool that will unlock the secret to her mysterious ways. Through hundreds of interviews and the results of a scientific national survey of women, this book demonstrates that women are actually not random and that they really can be systematized and "mapped." In fact, much to men's delight, this book shows that women are actually quite easy to understand and please--as long as you know what it is they need. This simple map will guide you to loving your wife or girlfriend in the way she needs to be loved. The bestselling author of "For Women Only"teams with her husband to offer men the key to unlocking the mysterious ways of women. Through Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn 's national scientific survey and hundreds of interviews, "For Men Only" reveals what you can do today to improve your relationship. And believe it or not, as Jeff assures men, "It's not splitting the atom." And for every guy who rarely reads a manual: Quick-Start Guide Included! "When we featured Shaunti's book "For Women Only" on "FamilyLife Today," ""the phone rang off the hook! When Shaunti and Jeff come back on our broadcast, I'm buying some more phones. This is fresh and relevant--good stuff for every marriage. Read it!" "-Dennis Rainey, President, FamilyLife " Story Behind the Book "As I was writing "For Women Only "to help women understand the inner lives of men, over and over I heard that men wished there was a way to understand their wives, but they felt it was probably impossible. I heard from them, 'You are writing this little slim volume about men, but if it was about understanding women, it would have to be the size of an encyclopedia! Women are random and complicated!' These men were surprised and encouraged when I assured them that women are neither random nor complicated, and we can be understood. Men just want to love their wives well, and "For Men Only "will help them do that." "--Shaunti Feldhahn"


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Finally--You "Can"Understand Her! Women: Complicated and impossible to understand? Do you love and want to please the woman in your life, but just can't seem to figure her out? That was before "For Men Only." Now at your fingertips is the tool that will unlock the secret to her mysterious ways. Through hundreds of interviews and the results of a scientific national survey Finally--You "Can"Understand Her! Women: Complicated and impossible to understand? Do you love and want to please the woman in your life, but just can't seem to figure her out? That was before "For Men Only." Now at your fingertips is the tool that will unlock the secret to her mysterious ways. Through hundreds of interviews and the results of a scientific national survey of women, this book demonstrates that women are actually not random and that they really can be systematized and "mapped." In fact, much to men's delight, this book shows that women are actually quite easy to understand and please--as long as you know what it is they need. This simple map will guide you to loving your wife or girlfriend in the way she needs to be loved. The bestselling author of "For Women Only"teams with her husband to offer men the key to unlocking the mysterious ways of women. Through Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn 's national scientific survey and hundreds of interviews, "For Men Only" reveals what you can do today to improve your relationship. And believe it or not, as Jeff assures men, "It's not splitting the atom." And for every guy who rarely reads a manual: Quick-Start Guide Included! "When we featured Shaunti's book "For Women Only" on "FamilyLife Today," ""the phone rang off the hook! When Shaunti and Jeff come back on our broadcast, I'm buying some more phones. This is fresh and relevant--good stuff for every marriage. Read it!" "-Dennis Rainey, President, FamilyLife " Story Behind the Book "As I was writing "For Women Only "to help women understand the inner lives of men, over and over I heard that men wished there was a way to understand their wives, but they felt it was probably impossible. I heard from them, 'You are writing this little slim volume about men, but if it was about understanding women, it would have to be the size of an encyclopedia! Women are random and complicated!' These men were surprised and encouraged when I assured them that women are neither random nor complicated, and we can be understood. Men just want to love their wives well, and "For Men Only "will help them do that." "--Shaunti Feldhahn"

30 review for For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

  1. 5 out of 5

    ♥ Ibrahim ♥

    Most of my intimate friends have always been women. Most of my confidantes have always been from the female gender. I love their friendship. I know them. But this book has often made me feel that women are a bunch of simple-minded, confused, all too emotional creatures. Well, not "my women"! Don't get me wrong. The book has some good points to make and they are good for men to keep in mind, but still women are not as shallow as he makes them to be in that book, and neither are they a bunch of cr Most of my intimate friends have always been women. Most of my confidantes have always been from the female gender. I love their friendship. I know them. But this book has often made me feel that women are a bunch of simple-minded, confused, all too emotional creatures. Well, not "my women"! Don't get me wrong. The book has some good points to make and they are good for men to keep in mind, but still women are not as shallow as he makes them to be in that book, and neither are they a bunch of creatures who don't know what they want. My best advisors have always been women. When I can be emotionally unstable, it is women who are more solid than I can ever be!

  2. 5 out of 5

    Seth

    This book is helpful to understanding women. There are two clear ideas that I earned from this book that I haven't gained elsewhere. 1. Women's preoccupations can't just be laid to rest by arguing out their merit. They are like programs open on a computer. You can minimize them but they can't just go away until the anxiety is directly resolved. The little "x" can be closed only when resolved. 2. Women have just as strong a need to be "pursued romantically" as men have being "sexually desired". I s This book is helpful to understanding women. There are two clear ideas that I earned from this book that I haven't gained elsewhere. 1. Women's preoccupations can't just be laid to rest by arguing out their merit. They are like programs open on a computer. You can minimize them but they can't just go away until the anxiety is directly resolved. The little "x" can be closed only when resolved. 2. Women have just as strong a need to be "pursued romantically" as men have being "sexually desired". I started looking for ways to make my wife remain in a constant state of romance and it has made a huge difference on her quality of life. That is why I am giving it so many stars. The quality of the writing and the insight of the author's were not close to impressive. They were kind of goofy and simplistic. Its a short book and doesn't address any particular deficiency. It is a very brief overview of what women need from men to feel love. The ideas that I gained were sufficient to recommend the book. Don't look for brilliant marriage guidance here, however, you might find a few ideas that could improve your marriage.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Brandon

    It's Ok (ish). Has a few interesting insights, and the statistics seem useful. You have to get over the writing though, it feels like it's written to the lowest common denominator among men. As if their working assumption is men are not capable of reading beyond the 3rd grade level. Meanwhile, the author keeps trying to convince us of his new found authority on the subject via his immersion into the world of women, and, well, it gets old. His authority is the research/statistics, which get don't It's Ok (ish). Has a few interesting insights, and the statistics seem useful. You have to get over the writing though, it feels like it's written to the lowest common denominator among men. As if their working assumption is men are not capable of reading beyond the 3rd grade level. Meanwhile, the author keeps trying to convince us of his new found authority on the subject via his immersion into the world of women, and, well, it gets old. His authority is the research/statistics, which get don't as much attention or analysis as I would have liked. The book has a really annoying feature of "highlighting" sentences pulled from the text but putting them in a large font. The problem is, the text will read something like (see p142): "That's an easy chip shot if I ever saw one." Then immediatly below, in a larger font with a geometric bullet "That's an easy chip shot if I ever saw one." Why? Reading through it is painful. Every couple of pages this strange quoting mechanism is used. I found it really annoying. I walked away with a few discussion points I'll bring up with my wife, but overall was somewhat insulted by it's presentation and disappointed by its lack of depth.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Robin DeJarnett

    If you read my review on Ms. Feldhahn's other book, 'For Women Only,' I think you won't be surprised that the same criticism applies here. This book states up front that the authors' intent is to grossly generalize their findings, and they do. I was hoping for more than just a flip of what was in 'For Women Only' but there wasn't really any new information here - in fact it seemed to lack the depth of the first book. The first book highlighted more specifics, like how men enjoyed it when their wom If you read my review on Ms. Feldhahn's other book, 'For Women Only,' I think you won't be surprised that the same criticism applies here. This book states up front that the authors' intent is to grossly generalize their findings, and they do. I was hoping for more than just a flip of what was in 'For Women Only' but there wasn't really any new information here - in fact it seemed to lack the depth of the first book. The first book highlighted more specifics, like how men enjoyed it when their women 'played with them' - enjoyed the same diversions, like golf or even just watching sports together. I didn't see the opposite in FMO - what is it that women enjoy for their man to do with them? There seemed (to me) to be an inordinate amount of time spent on a women's appearance (in each of the chapters), which I found shallow. Obviously, as a woman, I understand how important appearance is, but there's so much more to me than that. Men may be visual, but wasn't the point of this book to show them what they CAN'T see? Both books also imply that any infidelity in a marriage will always involve the man and his lustful, wandering eye. Whether women are visual or not (and I know for a fact many are), they have their own escapes, be it through soap operas, romance novels or some other source. Neither book addresses the feminine side of lust or a man's reaction/interpretation of it. There are tidbits to be gleaned, both for men and women, but as before, I recommend that couples look at this book together, and consider the lens used to write it.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Chip Rodgers

    It's not that this book was bad per se. Almost everything in the book was already pretty obvious to me anyway, with the exception of a maybe two or three interesting insights and ways to articulate particular female concerns. It seems to me that the type of person who would go out of their way to read this book are the ones that don't need it, and the ones that DO need it are the ones that either wouldn't read it, or wouldn't actually practice the advice given, even if they DID read it. Complain It's not that this book was bad per se. Almost everything in the book was already pretty obvious to me anyway, with the exception of a maybe two or three interesting insights and ways to articulate particular female concerns. It seems to me that the type of person who would go out of their way to read this book are the ones that don't need it, and the ones that DO need it are the ones that either wouldn't read it, or wouldn't actually practice the advice given, even if they DID read it. Complaint number two: The author apparently thinks women are incredibly weak and shallow. Especially based on the chapter titled, "Beauty." My biggest praise for the book is that it made me like and love my wife A LOT more, realizing that she's nothing like the incredibly insecure females that the author describes in this book.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Debbie

    I'm a woman, and I read "For Women Only" first. In fact, I read that book several times, started to apply it, told my boyfriend about it, and then asked him if he'd like to read "For Men Only." He happily agreed. I first read the book (constantly thinking, "You mean, men don't know that!?!") while I also marked how I would have answered the survey questions. My boyfriend has now read this book several times and has started to apply it. He says he loves how I treat him (using information from "Fo I'm a woman, and I read "For Women Only" first. In fact, I read that book several times, started to apply it, told my boyfriend about it, and then asked him if he'd like to read "For Men Only." He happily agreed. I first read the book (constantly thinking, "You mean, men don't know that!?!") while I also marked how I would have answered the survey questions. My boyfriend has now read this book several times and has started to apply it. He says he loves how I treat him (using information from "For Women Only") and I'm in bliss right now from his efforts to apply what he learned in "For Men Only." I've read other books on similar subjects, but none really get to the heart of the issues like these two little books. Update: Men (and women!), please don't think you're an expert on your mate just because you read this book several times. It's a great book, but listen if someone tells you that a part doesn't strongly apply to them! Believe me, most women would love this, but I'm getting sick and tired of being told I'm so beautiful and rock my boyfriend's world. That was never an issue for me and hearing this two or three times every time we interact is making the words lose all meaning to me, but my boyfriend initially wouldn't stop because "it's in the book!"

  7. 4 out of 5

    Todd

    Superb. Read this for a marriage prep course at my fiancee's church, while she read (or listened to the audio version of...) "For Women Only". Practical, wise, heartfelt... grounded in science and data (which I love) and Scripture (which I love even more), this book is a game-changer. I've been doing the best I can, and I want to do better... I just didn't know how. A priceless gift. I love my fiancée and I want to be the best possible husband to her I can be...

  8. 5 out of 5

    Steve Bremner

    I still don't understand them.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Fuad Alsultan

    This is going to be a complete review of the book on a chapter by chapter basis. This book helped a lot to understand my woman. I have never though about women this way before, i guess I should have considered reading such book before. Though, I would not think other books would put it the same way this one did. I am just glad I had the chance to read it. Chapter 1. Interesting! I got hooked. Chapter 2. If you get together, the deal is never close. Insecurity follows women even after settling dow This is going to be a complete review of the book on a chapter by chapter basis. This book helped a lot to understand my woman. I have never though about women this way before, i guess I should have considered reading such book before. Though, I would not think other books would put it the same way this one did. I am just glad I had the chance to read it. Chapter 1. Interesting! I got hooked. Chapter 2. If you get together, the deal is never close. Insecurity follows women even after settling down. Unlike men who want to show their love by their actions, women need reassuring every time they have a conflict. As a man I need to increase her emotional bank account by continue doing the small stuff that made me win her heart at the beginning. When she is upset, I should not leave her to think alone, I should hug her and assure her all is going to be okay. Chapter 3. I can see it. Its too hard for a woman to just let go of hear fears and worries, because they are attached to her emotions. Worries will go away when the bad feelings are gone, as men we need to help our women by resolving these emotional issues not by telling them "just don't worry or forget about it". Telling my women such thing, will either make the problem stick or circulate. Listen to your woman's concerns, give her all your ears, hug her, suggest an action for her worries, or take one. Chapter 4. When you see or feel something is wrong between you and your women, ask her what's wrong? Don't accept " I am fine" as an answer, but be persistent and assume she is upset b/c of something you did or you did not do. Speak to her, tell her that you might did something wrong and ask her to help you to understand her. If the issue is not your actions, assume its an emotional issues, give her your ears and listen carefully. The third reason she could be upset about is her circumstances, take your time to understand her. Lastly, it could be just hormones, be there for her. An important note to remember is that women don't speak about their issues from the first time b/c we "men" trained them not to. We usually get angry or defensive when they answer our question the first time we ask. Chapter 5. Financial security is not more important than emotional one. Most women prefer low income job and more time with their husbands more than high income and low parent and husband time. She wants to feel 1) You are close to her; do small silly stuff like the stuff you used to do before marrying her, ex. Sending text message in the middle of the day and buying her flowers or surprise her with what she loves. 2) She wants to feel that she is a priority, spend more time with her, let her feel she is before everything. 3) She wants to see more commitment to her, ex. help her around the house. 4) She wants to see you making effort to provide financial stability for the family. Chapter 6. The power of effective listening. Your women speaks about an emotional difficulty, she just wants to share her feelings with her partner. She is not sharing to look for solutions. When she speaks, drop the 'I must fix it' attitude and and listen carefully to her feelings through her words, facial expressions, and body gestures. Try to understand her, repeat those feeling to her to assure her that you gave her your attention. Sharing her feelings with you, and you understanding those feelings is more important to her than the problem itself. Chapter 7. This chapter is on the sexual relationship between you and her, and how her "NO" to sex does not mean it is because of you. Understand that she could be tired from all day long, and her sexual drive is less than you. She may not want to have sex with you, but she will enjoy it as much as you when she is in the action. Her sexual desire rise not as sharply as yours, so take your time with her. Your appearance and look does not make her hot, she needs to feel the closeness between you two beyond the bedroom. Be close to her at all time. Try to start talking about sex early before jumping into it, to prepare her emotionally, like whisper to her that you want to have sweets when you get home while having dinner at the restaurant. Tell her you are excited and cannot wait. Chapter 8. The little girl still lives inside her. She needs constant complements on how beautiful and stunning she is. As in chapter 2, she needs to hear from you that she is beautiful, never assume she knows and does not need to hear it. Tell her how magnificent she looks, be specific when complementing her. If she asks about how beautiful she looks, don't answer just fine. Notice her dress when she spends time in front of the mirror, tell her what you like about her style. Chapter 9. (The conclusion) I should always remember that I am her HERO.

  10. 5 out of 5

    J. Alfred

    About halfway through this book (roughly half an hour into reading this book) I started thinking that it was a very well intentioned, pretty well reseached and weirdly poorly written text-- and I stand by that to some extent. ("Weirdly poorly written": it was clearly within the authors' power to write more impressively/ smoothly, but they decided that it was better to take a totally unsophisticated stance-- there was the textual equivalent of a lot of winking and elbow-nudging going on in here, About halfway through this book (roughly half an hour into reading this book) I started thinking that it was a very well intentioned, pretty well reseached and weirdly poorly written text-- and I stand by that to some extent. ("Weirdly poorly written": it was clearly within the authors' power to write more impressively/ smoothly, but they decided that it was better to take a totally unsophisticated stance-- there was the textual equivalent of a lot of winking and elbow-nudging going on in here, and it comes off as too 'familiar' in the old sense, or 'chummy' in the new.) However, the end of the book was well done, and brave, as well ("we simply need a zero-tolerance policy on porn"). Some parts, too, did in fact help me understand the beautiful mystery that is my wife a little bit better. So it accomplished its purpose, and for that I am grateful (though I think it may have been better served to be edited and reissued as a twenty-page pamphlet).

  11. 4 out of 5

    JZ

    The redeeming fact in this book is that women's minds are like computers with a lot of windows open. We have to be. We have the kids. Jeez. The analogy about the lighter is the perfect example. Men don't see consequences. Great generalization? Not the only one in the book. Taken from questionaires that were simplistic, from the examples given. The rest of the generalizations are not news. This must be good for people who have little to no experience with working, living, and talking together wit The redeeming fact in this book is that women's minds are like computers with a lot of windows open. We have to be. We have the kids. Jeez. The analogy about the lighter is the perfect example. Men don't see consequences. Great generalization? Not the only one in the book. Taken from questionaires that were simplistic, from the examples given. The rest of the generalizations are not news. This must be good for people who have little to no experience with working, living, and talking together with the opposite sex. Might be a good text for high schoolers if they removed the religious stuff.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Chelsea Rivas

    There is some decent advice in this book, but you'll have to mine for it through the insultingly chummy delivery, Old Sport. As part of his "good ol' boys" delivery, more than once co-author Jeff Feldhahn used dehumanizing language when referring to both men and women, which was off-putting and unnecessary. My husband is a human being, not a "cromagnon". I am a human being, not an "alien". Furthermore, throughout the book Feldhahn insists that each husband needs to reassure his wife that she is There is some decent advice in this book, but you'll have to mine for it through the insultingly chummy delivery, Old Sport. As part of his "good ol' boys" delivery, more than once co-author Jeff Feldhahn used dehumanizing language when referring to both men and women, which was off-putting and unnecessary. My husband is a human being, not a "cromagnon". I am a human being, not an "alien". Furthermore, throughout the book Feldhahn insists that each husband needs to reassure his wife that she is beautiful. I disagree. It is MUCH more important that each husband reassure his wife that she is loved and valued for her brain and her heart...not what her face looks like or what size jeans she wears. Of course it is lovely to be complimented, but it is so much more important to be valued for who I am, not what I look like. My main concern with this book, however, is Feldhahn's discomfort in discussing women's bodies. He is clearly uncomfortable using words such as "menstrual cycle", "menstruation", or even "cycle" or "period." He instead refers to it as "her circumstances" and "er...um...her situation" (in the audiobook version he literally says, "er...um...her situation" with the intonation that you're "in" on his private little joke). He writes that sometimes one of his male friends asks his wife, "Am I talking to my sweet wife Lori, or Helga the crazed mutant?" 'Helga the crazed mutant'? Seriously? I don't think Lori truly finds this funny (as he claims in the book). I think it's more likely that Lori does a courtesy laugh to avoid having a difficult conversation with her husband because either 1) She knows she doesn't appreciate what he said but isn't sure herself WHY it doesn't sit well with her, or 2) She knows he won't understand why she can't just "take a joke". It does a tremendous disservice to men and women for this stereotype of "crazed mutant" to be perpetuated. Yes, a woman's menstrual cycle can cause hormonal changes that translate to behavior changes. But she does not transform into a 'crazed mutant'. She is still the 'sweet wife' she has always been. If my husband was experiencing a hormonal imbalance (or a recurring cycle of hormonal imbalances), I would never refer to him as a 'crazed mutant'. It's insulting and dehumanizing, and is therefore devoid of empathy...the exact opposite of what he could and should reasonably expect from a loving spouse. For someone in a position of authority, whose goal is for men to follow his advice and/or example, it's tragic that Feldhahn--claiming 'delicacy'--squandered the opportunity to set a better example in this regard. With just a few differences in wording, he could've shown men that it is right and proper to use correct terminology instead of euphemisms. He could've challenged men to be respectful and continue to grant humanity where it is due. He could've helped men understand that the uterine functions are not to be feared, tip-toed around, or insulted under the guise of joking. Later in the book he does the same thing when addressing orgasm. Again, for someone who claims to be an authority, he missed a tremendous opportunity to educate, demystify, and call upon men to grant their wives even the most basic dignity. "For Women Only" was written under the assumption that its audience is intelligent and thoughtful women. "For Men Only" was written under the assumption that its audience is 'dudes' and 'bros', not intelligent or thoughtful men.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Christel

    I received some teasing from male friends when they found out I was reading this book, but I make no apologies! This was a great read for anyone--male or female--in a relationship. I first read its counterpart, "For Women Only," which was also incredibly insightful. The fact that these books offer a view into the differences between men and women from a biblical Christian worldview makes them tender, truthful, and encouraging. Here's what I shared with one friend while reading "For Men Only": As I received some teasing from male friends when they found out I was reading this book, but I make no apologies! This was a great read for anyone--male or female--in a relationship. I first read its counterpart, "For Women Only," which was also incredibly insightful. The fact that these books offer a view into the differences between men and women from a biblical Christian worldview makes them tender, truthful, and encouraging. Here's what I shared with one friend while reading "For Men Only": As I'm reading, since it's written from a male perspective to men, I'm gaining insight even though the book is about women. I'm seeing these things that seem perfectly normal and obvious to me being explained in excruciating detail as if they are mysteries to men...and that's because they generally are! It's eye-opening for me to read this and think, "That isn't obvious to men? That's something they need to be told?" I think it's helping me to understand just how different men and women are.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Michael Foley

    Hopefully this book does not "Blow Your Mind", because if it does, you probably didn't know jack squat about women whatsoever. HOWEVER, this book did open my eyes to a few gems of wisdom and give me a big boost of motivation to be a better husband. His analogy of our minds like a computer desktop was especially profound to me. Stating that men tend to handle tasks/feelings one window at a time, and close the window before moving on to the next thing. Women have several windows open at once, all Hopefully this book does not "Blow Your Mind", because if it does, you probably didn't know jack squat about women whatsoever. HOWEVER, this book did open my eyes to a few gems of wisdom and give me a big boost of motivation to be a better husband. His analogy of our minds like a computer desktop was especially profound to me. Stating that men tend to handle tasks/feelings one window at a time, and close the window before moving on to the next thing. Women have several windows open at once, all getting slivers of attention simultaneously(yikes!). I had heard dozens of analogies before, and I knew the concept. But sometimes the right analogy comes along and it sticks. Great quote: "How a woman feels about the problem, IS the problem." simple and wise. And the opposite of how I think. It is well worth reading, and worth reading every 2 years or so for a shot in the arm.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Skylar Burris

    I read this just to make sure my husband was getting reliable information when he read it...with very few exceptions, I definitely think he did get good information. I think any young Christian couple who gets married should be given a copy of these For Men Only / For Women Only books in premarital counseling and should re-read them every 2-3 years. (The book is from a Christian perspective, but the Christian element is not over-the-top; it would be useful for many non-Christian readers too.) Th I read this just to make sure my husband was getting reliable information when he read it...with very few exceptions, I definitely think he did get good information. I think any young Christian couple who gets married should be given a copy of these For Men Only / For Women Only books in premarital counseling and should re-read them every 2-3 years. (The book is from a Christian perspective, but the Christian element is not over-the-top; it would be useful for many non-Christian readers too.) The books are very short, direct, easy-to-follow, and quick to read. It is a bit dumbed down in writing style, but the practical worth compensates for that.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Kristina Wilson

    I read For Women Only so I decided to read this as well. My issues with both books are the same. I think far too much time and emphasis was spent on physical appearance and sex. This book very much felt derogatory toward women at points. I definitely won't be recommending my husband read this, as majority of the book was not applicable to my views or feelings on the issues mentioned.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Konrad Holden

    There is one major flaw with this book. Over the majority of the book, men are presented as the goofy sitcom husband who doesn’t understand how women work. He is the unsophisticated and simple-minded dork who sits reading the newspaper and spilling coffee on himself, making marital blunder after marital blunder (some of which is very true). He’s a nice guy, but a simpleton. If only he knew the better way. I don’t think the author meant to come off that way. But I think this book does not emphasiz There is one major flaw with this book. Over the majority of the book, men are presented as the goofy sitcom husband who doesn’t understand how women work. He is the unsophisticated and simple-minded dork who sits reading the newspaper and spilling coffee on himself, making marital blunder after marital blunder (some of which is very true). He’s a nice guy, but a simpleton. If only he knew the better way. I don’t think the author meant to come off that way. But I think this book does not emphasize enough the fact that many men may know what they ought to do, but are unwilling to do it or think about how to do it. Maybe it is just me, but men need tail-kicking. And of the little tail-kicking in this book, it is all indirect tail-kicking. That being said, I constantly found myself constantly pausing and thinking, “Huh, so that’s why that happened last week. And that’s where I went wrong.” There are lots of epiphanies to be had. The conclusion chapter is wonderful. Made me think about my wife in the best sort of way.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Brenda

    I chose this as a "book targeted at the other gender" for Tim Challies' 2017 reading challenge. I listened to a Christianaudio version that was available on Hoopla. The book was read by Jeff Feldhahn, who co-authored. (I always enjoy audio books that are read by the author.) It is a short book - under 3.5 hours' listening time. I think the points made by the author are pretty much spot on for explaining how most women think and why we react as we do, and I found myself nodding in agreement many t I chose this as a "book targeted at the other gender" for Tim Challies' 2017 reading challenge. I listened to a Christianaudio version that was available on Hoopla. The book was read by Jeff Feldhahn, who co-authored. (I always enjoy audio books that are read by the author.) It is a short book - under 3.5 hours' listening time. I think the points made by the author are pretty much spot on for explaining how most women think and why we react as we do, and I found myself nodding in agreement many times. Men who have done other reading about relationships may think "duh", but I would say this is a great place to start for men who haven't done other reading or whose fathers weren't good role models. The authors say up front that this book isn't for marriages that are in crisis, and I would agree with that.

  19. 5 out of 5

    BookishandBliss April

    I read this, not just to see what my husband would be reading, but we decided to trade these books and make notes in them for the other about what was important directly to us. We highlighted, wrote, and enjoyed both of our copies. Now it is my turn to read For Women Only but definitely enjoyed this one!

  20. 5 out of 5

    Megan Lane

    For real, we should all be reading these as single young people and considering them as we all hope to be married eventually. Scripture teaches us to put the needs of others before our own and these books are helpful in doing just that. Giving the tools to understand what that even means, when men and women are so different. Lol

  21. 4 out of 5

    Kayleen Mackey

    Good book, but I feel that as the book is meant for the men, I had a harder time under everything. but the men I know who read it love it.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Brandon Vaughan

    With the companion book,”For Women Only”, this is a great marriage building tool. My wife and I did it together and loved it.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Alex Richmond

    This book was given to me by some family friends, with it coming four recommendations, soon becoming five that I should read this book. They all explained to me that they believe the book was good for anyone at any point in their relationship, whether they have been married for decades, newly married, or even those who have yet to be married could all benefit from this book. I like how even though the book comes from a Christian background, it's not overbearing, something that for many can be off This book was given to me by some family friends, with it coming four recommendations, soon becoming five that I should read this book. They all explained to me that they believe the book was good for anyone at any point in their relationship, whether they have been married for decades, newly married, or even those who have yet to be married could all benefit from this book. I like how even though the book comes from a Christian background, it's not overbearing, something that for many can be offputting and push people farther away.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Sonnigirl

    Another great read for marriages. Companion book to For Women Only. Putting these 2 books in my premarital curriculum for couples! All couples should read both of these books every 5-10 yrs! Invaluable insight into how each of the sexes think and function differently and how to treat each other accordingly!

  25. 4 out of 5

    Suzzanne F

    While some great points, I missed the Biblical scripture relationship presented in the first book, For Women Only.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Stephanie

    I'd like to premise this book review by first saying this book, For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn isn't quite as cheesy as I thought it was going to be, although there are parts that are so obnoxiously cheesetastic that my husband and I laughed a little at the absurdity. I was reading an article the other day and it said that married people don't talk enough about the wonderfulness that is marriage. And, I thought to myself that I total I'd like to premise this book review by first saying this book, For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn isn't quite as cheesy as I thought it was going to be, although there are parts that are so obnoxiously cheesetastic that my husband and I laughed a little at the absurdity. I was reading an article the other day and it said that married people don't talk enough about the wonderfulness that is marriage. And, I thought to myself that I totally fall into that category my husband can make me angry as hell (frankly, I'm angry with him right now...and, he's in the other room playing the guitar...probably, um, angry at me too!), but I love him, I also like him and I like him to know all of that. I do think that marriage is work, though, and I think that those who don't make it look like work are working at that, but it doesn't mean the work can't be fun! The Story I wanted us to have something for Valentine's Day that we both could benefit from...don't get me wrong I wanted flowers and dinner too, but I wanted our presents to have meaning. I remembered a girl from work reading these books with her fiance and thought they would be a good idea for us. Some plusses *If your husband is like mine...you can still read this book all the way and he can use the Quick Start Guide which is included in the book and has 6 key components (Reassurance, Emotions, Security, Listening, Sex and Beauty) and where to find them throughout the book. *This book talks about the fact that the biggest problem with marriage is communication and then it shares ideas about how to fix this. I like that those ideas aren't incredibly secular, nor are they dirty. *If you buy the two books together (For Couples Only) they also come with this handy-dandy guide, which includes "12 Tips to Get Great Results from For Couples Only" my favorite being the one where you switch books (which is what we did, if you're wondering why I read this book clearly labeled for men) and answer the questions and mark it up et cetera and then you get to read your book with your partners comments. *It works for either marrieds or seriously thinking about getting marrieds. Some not so plusses *I'm just going to say this and hope that no one gets offended, because it is steeped in good Christian living, it can be a bit old-fashioned...ok, it can be a lot old fashioned. For instance, Chapter 7 is titled The Girl in the Mirror and is sub-titled "What the little girl inside your woman is dying to hear from you--and how to guard your answer well." What does she want to hear? That her spouse finds her 'beautiful' and that her husband 'only has eyes for her'. Barf. And, while the chapter does end with some wonderful advice about the words 'fine' and 'no'...all I could keep thinking was I am not a pet. *I hear the For Women Only book is hokier...I wouldn't know because, well, my husband hasn't finished it yet! I really liked reading this book and marking it up. I liked learning what I feel makes a relationship and what I think makes it work and I like that my husband not gets to see what I think...that's so much easier than trying to talk about feelings. I'm not sure I'll feel the same way reading the next book with marks that aren't mine, but I will work at making that work. I wouldn't have it any other way.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Nathaniel Turner

    I reread this book recently, as a kind of refresher for myself. The first time I read it, I had just started dating the woman who is now my wife, almost four years ago. At the time, I had also read "For Women Only," the counterpart to this book, in an effort to offer notes and comments on it for my then-girlfriend's benefit. Now, I am somewhat distanced from that companion reading, and I can see some flaws in this book as a stand-alone product. Let me start off with the positives: It is an excelle I reread this book recently, as a kind of refresher for myself. The first time I read it, I had just started dating the woman who is now my wife, almost four years ago. At the time, I had also read "For Women Only," the counterpart to this book, in an effort to offer notes and comments on it for my then-girlfriend's benefit. Now, I am somewhat distanced from that companion reading, and I can see some flaws in this book as a stand-alone product. Let me start off with the positives: It is an excellent book. It addresses an important need, and it offers research and statistics to do it. (Not being a researcher, I can't speak to the reliability of their research, but from what I do know, it's not so weak as to be discounted out of hand.) There are few other books in this same vein, although there are many which attempt to show men how women think; I have read even fewer which succeed even remotely. This book manages to accomplish that, because it's not afraid to quote from the horse's mouth, as they say. Instead of philosophizing, psychologizing, or otherwise intellectualizing, the Feldhahns work with real women with real opinions saying things that - for some reason - they can't just say to their husbands/boyfriends. That being the case, though, this book has some shortcomings. Almost all of these shortcomings fade, however, when this book is read in conjunction with its counterpart. When read alone, "For Men Only" is a pretty harsh condemnation of male behavior. Granted, some male behavior needs to change, but not all of it can be. For example, when discussing the female multi-tasking, multi-thinking mind, the Feldhahns spend a great deal of time discussing feminine emotions. At several points, male emotions come into play - but these are discarded as ignorant, irrelevant, or unimportant. In short, from the perspective of this book alone, men must cater to and coddle the emotions of their wives, but if they ever have an emotional response to something, it should be dropped like a hot potato. This sort of heavy-handed blame-game lurks throughout the book, and makes it upsetting, offensive, even unbearable to man forced to read it by itself. Only when you read both this book and its counterpart (which is pretty heavy-handed against women for their flaws) does everything fall into place as a mutual effort to improve the marriage and each other. So, a note to any women who want their man to read this book: don't take the titles literally, and make sure he reads the one for you, too. It's important context.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Heather

    I really was enjoying this book. I was even sharing insights with my husband and teenage son. But then got to a part in ch 4 "It's Not About You, It's the Hormones". I started the section with, yes it is true that during times during my period, when I'm menstruating, I'm easy to be irritated and super sensitive physically and emotionally. The author talks about how decisions of the woman is effected by her hormone changes. The advice about dealing with your wife when she is "Helga the Horrible" I really was enjoying this book. I was even sharing insights with my husband and teenage son. But then got to a part in ch 4 "It's Not About You, It's the Hormones". I started the section with, yes it is true that during times during my period, when I'm menstruating, I'm easy to be irritated and super sensitive physically and emotionally. The author talks about how decisions of the woman is effected by her hormone changes. The advice about dealing with your wife when she is "Helga the Horrible" during her "Situation Days" is to gentle talk to her. SRLY!!!! We are adults USE you the WORDS!!!! DON'T PATRONIZE HER!!!! AAAAUUUUURRRRGGGGHHHH The author takes a moment to say that the first edition didn't include a section about the time of the month. This book didn't talk about it either, in any intellectual way. His wise male friend's advice, "ask her if he is talking to his sweet wife Lori or Helga the crazed mutant?"

  29. 4 out of 5

    Stephen Archer

    I've read plenty of books on marriage and relationships and this small book has been one of the most influential books on women that I have ever read. This book is not simply a book by a man for men in relationships whereas one person is giving his advice that he has learned over the years. Instead, this book is a conglomeration of facts and statistics that give men insights to what women are thinking. The authors surveyed women from all across the US and compiled this book. Jeff Feldhahn uses w I've read plenty of books on marriage and relationships and this small book has been one of the most influential books on women that I have ever read. This book is not simply a book by a man for men in relationships whereas one person is giving his advice that he has learned over the years. Instead, this book is a conglomeration of facts and statistics that give men insights to what women are thinking. The authors surveyed women from all across the US and compiled this book. Jeff Feldhahn uses witt, humor and seriousness to show that women are not as complicated as we make them out to be. This book is a must read for any man married. Any man in a relationship or even considering a relationship.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Joel Arnold

    Definitely entertaining, fairly often helpful, and occasionally convicting. Ironically, my wife read it to me while we were traveling. Even more ironically, I would actually recommend reading it together since the main benefit for us was that it prompted discussion. This book was definitely intended for a casual audience, so he puts in plenty of entertainment. But overall, I wouldn't say it was a waste of time - it was better than some other marriage books I've read.

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