His Needs, Her Needs - Willard Harley

Posted by Shirley Huff
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His Needs, Her Needs - Willard Harley

While I enjoyed reading this book that my spouse purchased and suggested that we read, the principles in it were rather obvious and yet somehow weren't currently being put into practice in our marriage. It is easy to use the book as a weapon against a spouse by pointing out how he/she is failing you, but the author wisely warns against doing so.

Some of the needs won't completely fit you and some license will be needed to redefine the need to your situation. The author readily admits that the listed needs are not a one-size-fits-all solution or that they belong to a specific gender, so keep that in mind.

For this book to work, both spouses have to read it with a nonjudgmental attitude and make an honest evaluation of what truly makes them happy. Once the needs are on the table an honest effort is required to meet them, which can be especially trying if you can't see the need expressed by your spouse or feel it is not your job to meet that need. It's a tall order to follow through the author's prescribed plan when your marriage is flying through rough air, but as the book reminds us, we were meeting our spouse's needs at some point in the relationship and we just need to reacquaint ourselves with them again.

Although we're just at the evaluation phase of our needs, I'm hopeful we can put away the selfish blame game and work to meet each other's needs. Time will tell.

I recommend this book to at least break the ice on resolving martial discontent, but it would be of little value if both spouses aren't willing to be open and honest in their thoughts and motivated to make every effort to meet the needs of their spouse.